i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
