the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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