What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
