I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
