allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
