My liver just broke up with me...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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