just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
