She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
