alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
