my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
