i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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