what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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