brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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