I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
