Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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