How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
