awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
