Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
