i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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