I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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