it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
