Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
