she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And then my night got REAL pukey
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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