just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
