Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
