He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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