I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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