i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
