Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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