I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
