Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
