I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I AM VODKA MAN
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
