It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
