five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
