so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
