Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
