Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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