your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
