Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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