he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
