i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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