Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
