Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
