Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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