he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
