i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
