Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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