i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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