Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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