Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
