Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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