Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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