I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
