Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
